Kids, before I was left without a job, a dear friend of mine told me about a gay gathering off Phuket, Thailand in the beginning of the year 2014.
Of course, when I first decided to join (before my previous life was over), I did want to find sex and love at the event. However, after the HIV diagnosis, I did not think it was a good idea (plus, I needed to save what little money I had left).
I told my friend this and he convinced me to join anyway. He told me that when he joined the gathering the previous year, he met some HIV-positive gay men.
“You’d be surprised to see many HIV-positive gay men at the event. They’re not young anymore but boy they are healthy … and good-looking,” he added with a smile.
When I told him about my financial difficulties, he said I could ask for a funding. It looks like the Universe really wanted me to join the gathering and who am I to refuse?
So I went to the gathering … not to find love, but to be inspired. Meeting those HIV-positive gay men (some of them diagnosed in the first breakout in the US back in 1980s) would surely give me a boost of confidence. And it did.
What I didn’t expect was: when I decided to stop finding love, it was love who find me.
So there I was, at the ferry boat, cruising from Phuket to Koh Yao Yai Island, smiling to myself as I soaked up the sun when, this guy, with a smile that (until now) make me feel like a little child. We hit it off right away.
Kids, it was like teenage dream. That night, we walked on the beach, under the moonlight, and kissed for the first time.
When he wanted to take things to next level, I opened up to him.
“Guy, before we go further, I need to tell you something,” I told him. I took a deep breath and said, “I’m positive.”
I thought he was going to back off. I thought he was going to stop. Instead, he just said, “thank you for telling me. That was very mature of you.”
You see, kids, my boyfriend was negative. But he was well-educated about the virus. He does not care about the virus. He cares about me.
After spending so many times thinking I would never have a boyfriend, let alone marry, partially because I am HIV-positive, I finally found a loving and caring partner.
I often get questions like …
“Does your boyfriend know that you’re HIV-positive?”
“Is your boyfriend HIV positive?”
“So how do you guys … you know ….”
Well, as I said in the article, he know about my HIV status because I told him from the start. No, he’s not HIV positive. As for how we do “it”, we do “it” just like everybody else. Yes, we have to be more careful but that doesn’t mean it’s not as enjoyable.
Why? Because unlike my previous life when I fucked every single of those guys, with him, I do not fuck: I make love (okay, how cheesy that might sound).
Kids, when two people really want to be with each other, they will always find a way to make it work. He lives abroad so that’s another challenge. He’s American so that’s also another challenge. But we always find a way to make it work.
We have lived together for almost two years now and, guess what, last week, we proposed to each other.
Kids, I’m not saying that I would live happily ever with him nor did I say my life is easier now. However, I can say that both Robert (my fiancé) and I are rich in love, and that’s what matters. The ARV therapy does keeps the virus at bay, but his love, for me, is the ultimate drug.
First published on Bali Peduli.
Thanks for writing these beautiful pieces of your story. Happy ending does not happen a lot for us, but I’m sincerely glad that you got one.
Thank you, Nicholas, for the comment. I believe that each happy ending is a brand new beginning. And I believe you deserve yours, too. Big hug.
thank you mahel. this is very beautiful.
You’re welcome, dear. Thank you sm.
I just ran to your blog after I read your writing on rappler, and I found this. Wow! Congrats!! So happy for you, beyond words.
May you always inspire others with what you write. You inspire me for sure.
Thank you very reading my blog. I’m glad that you feel inspired. Big hug.
Keep strong mahel…
Thank you, dear.
Hi Mahel, I am one of your silent readers lol. I always enjoy to read your blog posts. So simple, smooth yet encouraging. I am so inexperienced in LGBT world and how brave someone should be to achieve what they want. If possible, would you share more details about whether your parents know you’re gay, and how your fiancee gets a job in Indo and you guys work it out to live together and if there’s any plan (and how exactly it would be) to get married in US etc. I have been waiting for new posts but I am being impatient lol so I am trying to dig in now.
Hi, Eve! Sorry it’s been awhile since I updated my blog.
I really appreciate your kind words.
Don’t worry about it! I’m also inexperienced! Lol.
Both of my parents know that I’m gay. They’re not actually approve my life choices–but they still love me the same. They didn’t disown me or whatever so I’m lucky.
My fiance and I don’t live in Indonesia, actually. We both live in Shanghai, China. We’ve decided to move here because it’s the best option for both us for now. As for getting married, that’s definitely in our list but of course we’d like to wait until the right moment. 😉
Hope this answers your questions! 🙂
This story is so sweet and somehow moving and heartwarm and hopeful…just curious…do you still with him now. Dont answer if you dont want too…
Hi, there! Thank you for visiting my blog. Yes, I’m still with the same guy. It’s not always easy but it’s damn worth it. 😉
Uuuuummmm… Romantis. Pingin nangis