So I received a text message the other day from a guy who basically told me that I was a c*** for not telling him about my HIV status.
We hooked up like 1-2 years ago and, mind you, I already knew about my status at the time. In addition, I’ve been taking my medication since day 1. No holding back.
Guess what? The dude didn’t get it. He’s still HIV negative. Yet, he blamed me. He told me that had I told him about my HIV status, he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. He told me that I was a dickhead for not telling him and that I should tell every sex partner that I’m poz.
Easy for him to say.
My friends told me that I should just let it go. The dude was basically being a dick and he’s clearly not well-informed about it.
Easy for them to say.
The truth is, most of the time, I told my sex partners about HIV status but yeah there were points when I didn’t. I’m convinced that, as long as I played everything safe, all will be well. And sure enough, everybody is safe until now.
After all, it’s more dangerous for an HIV positive gay man who doesn’t know about his status and never takes his medication to infect others rather than those who know about their status and being responsible.
However, still, my heart is broken for this guy.
We cooled it off and remained friends–but things will never be the same.
I’ve tried everything, honestly. I once put my HIV status on Grindr and other dating apps and, guess what, none of the guys wanted to have anything to do with me. So I’ve decided to remove the HIV status and only told the person when we meet or, at least, already have a conversation.
Some of the guys were cool about it and since they are well-informed, nothing bad happened. There were guys who canceled the meeting or even blocked me after but hey for me it’s still better because at least I got the chance to talk to them first.
Sometimes I feel whether my decision to be this open about my status is the right decision.
What if I was a c*** for not telling people who probably didn’t read my blog? What if I accidentally gave the virus to someone else? Yes, I met some guys who are cool about my status and they ended up being my lovers but there were people who called me names.
It’s not really that big of a deal right now because I already have a partner but what about the time before? The time when I was too scared about disclosing my status that I decided to not tell them as long as I played safe. Yes, so far, nobody was infected because of me but what if I unknowingly infected someone?
I’m in Chiang Mai, Thailand right now and I was introduced to this guy who knows about his status and refuses to receive any treatment. In addition, he also refuses to have any sexual relations with anyone, let alone romance. He basically told me that he is unworthy of being loved and he wants to protect others.
I feel sorry for him.
I hugged him and I told him to stay alive and there’s more to life than being positive but he figuratively pushed me away.
It’s heartbreaking, indeed. I’m telling you this because I know what it’s like to be in his shoes. I know what it feels like to be pushed away by potential friends and lovers just because of your status. However, I feel that everyone’s worthy of being loved. Even poz people.
My boyfriend is neg and we’ve been together for four years now. Seriously, as long as you’re being careful with your choices and always taking your medication, all will be well.
So, again, should you tell your sex partners about your HIV status?
Well, it’s a personal choice.
You can tell people right away and chances are some will push you right away. It happens.
You can put it on your Grindr (or other dating apps) and chances are some will push you right away. It happens.
You can tell them once you meet them and chances are some won’t want anything to do you with you. It happens.
You can refuse to tell them as long as you’re playing safe and chances are you’ll feel guilty later for not telling them even though you don’t infect them. It happens.
Personally, I always try to be honest about it. The one who gave me the virus didn’t give me a chance. I want to give people that chance.
However, looking back, perhaps the guy who gave it to me didn’t know about his status, either. He didn’t take medication (and how could he if he didn’t know about it?). That is also a possibility.
In the end, it’s a personal choice. You have the moral responsibility here. I shared you my story and I believe that you’ll know the right thing to do.
As for other guys, here’s the thing: unfortunately, you can’t expect all Poz guys to reveal their status to you … it’s not as easy as it sounds. So, always remember to protect yourself. And, more importantly, educate yourself.